Starting Over: A Clean Slate

Today, I struggled with a feeling that often surfaces — I saw a friend who’s lost an amazing amount of weight, and I instantly thought, “Why haven’t I done that?” I’m THRILLED for my friend, but it reminded me once again that I absolutely cannot compare myself to other people – as everybody is walking a completely different path in completely different shoes. However, recognizing other people’s success is always a good reminder of, “How I can try harder?” Here are the things I need to do to try harder: be kinder to myself, stop beating myself up in my head about my weight, drink more water, stop avoiding the scale, and curb the overeating.

With that, I’ve made a decision to start over. Here’s what I’m going to do: I’m restarting My Fitness Pal, at my current weight. I’ve been yo-yoing the past couple months, and who knows what from – muscle building, eating junk food, water retention, hormones, stress…. who knows! I’d been avoiding updating the weigh-in graph on the app, and for what? Because the number would bother me? Who cares – life goes on. I will start over. I’m starting fresh, with a clean slate, and it doesn’t matter how much weight I lost six months ago, or what weight I’m at today – what counts is that as of today, a new page has been turned. I need to track EVERYTHING on MyFitnessPal. Your support has been huge – I totally love seeing all of you stopping by the blog, writing comments to me, “liking” my updates. It really means a lot, and helps motivate me to keep trying. It’s also been awesome having April join in on the blog, because it reminds me that I’m never, ever alone, and someone with the very same blood and DNA as me shares the exact same struggles!

In addition, I’m going to start adding weekly weigh-ins again. We all know the scale and I have a mostly hateful relationship. However, I recognize that I need it to keep me in check. My first weigh in update will be posted on Friday, and I’m going to try reaaaaally hard to keep it up, because I need some more transparency about that number. I can’t disregard the amazing progress I’ve made so far, in particular, I’m thrilled at my transformation from out-of-shape to somewhat-fit. I look forward to getting stronger, better and faster, and am loving the new support system I have with my workout buddies Susannah, Merrie and Sally.

When you’re trying to change bad habits, do you ever find yourself just wanting to start over? It doesn’t need to be cold turkey, but it needs to be a marked point for me, where I say, “Ok, I’m starting over. I’m going to forget the past and just live in the present and focus on making a better future.”

Now – help me with my first starting over challenge. Next Thursday, I’m going to Mexico for a five day vacation. How do I log my food when I won’t have internet access? Should I go old-school and use a pen and paper, or try and trust myself without logging? Should I enjoy my vacay and eat what I want, but in moderation?

Thailand Tuesday, Week 9

I’m so excited I can’t even say Hi first. This week…

I lost 5.2 pounds

Um, YEAH! That’s MAJOR. That’s probably the most weight I’ve ever lost in my life. (Slight hyperbole). But in a week? Definitely up there with the most weight I’ve ever lost in a week. There were some major things that contributed to this major loss, like -

I miss you everyday, Leo!

1) Grief. I was a sad sap from Tuesday through Friday and had to force myself to eat. So, a lot of this is probably water weight, but my calories were greatly reduced.

2) I’m low-carbing it up. Before everyone gets their pitch forks and battering rams ready, I’m not going low-carb for life or even an extended amount of time. I just wanted to see what would happen if I cut out all “junk carbs” in my life like crackers, sugar, certain breads, etc. Evidently this made a major difference. I’ve been eating way more protein which is hard for me because I’m not a big meat eater, but I can feel it because I’m not nearly as snacky or hungry during the day. I’m also focusing more on “good fats” like avocado and olive oil.

So – Wow! I’m a lot closer to my Thailand Tuesday goal today than I thought I would be. Next week’s weigh in will be interesting, because there is a possibility of regain since probably a fair amount of this was just drastic calorie reduction from my lack of eating. (Interesting factoid: A couple of years ago, any extreme emotion I felt – joy, sadness, grief, anger – would lead me to eat. I knew I was changing emotionally when I found those extreme emotions would take away my hunger. Such a big change for me, but one I’d rather have. A bag of chips does not soothe a complicated life, at least not for the long term.)

But – We’ve been feeling better and looking forward to eventually giving a great home to another cat in need, just like we did for Leo. We’re not rushing it and there will certainly never be a replacement, but pets can only bring joy in our family.

How are you doing today? What’s affecting your day? I hope you’re having a great one.

Weekly Weigh In June 11th

Water Aerobics has been helping me shed some flubber! PS - Like my new swimsuit?

I approached Monday’s morning’s weigh in with a little bit of caution – I had been tracking well, but splurged on movie theatre popcorn, and also went slightly over my calories on Friday night. All in all I knew I didn’t “blow it”, but I wasn’t sure I’d be in the weight loss zone. Well,  I must have done something right, because this week I….

Lost 2 pounds!

YAY! I was kind of in disbelief, because this marks two consecutive weeks of having awesome weight loss success. I’m down five pounds in two weeks, which is shamefully more than I’ve lost in a year. Damn yo-yoing. Anyways, It just goes to show you that sometimes it’s just the smallest little things that can make a huge difference. Here’s what I’ve been doing that’s contributed to my success so far:

1)   Meeting every week on Monday mornings with my registered dietician. She keeps me in check and helps me work through upcoming challenges… and she reads my blog!

2)   Drinking water. Lots of it! It’s crazy how sometimes I confuse hunger with being thirsty. I’m trying to drink water now when I feel snacky.

3)   Realizing that little bites, licks and tastes add up. The things I pick at when I’m cooking can definitely add up, so I’m trying to be mindful of tracking every single thing that goes into my mouth.

4)   Allowing myself at least one good “splurge” a week – but realizing I need to balance it out with good choices otherwise, like the movie popcorn last week. I made a conscious decision to eat light the rest of the day and the week, and it didn’t mess me up on the scale.

5)   Letting myself feel crazy motivated and enthusiastic about my success. I’m a pretty enthusiastic person, and when I’m happy about something, I feel that much more propelled to keep going. I have some momentum now, and I love sharing with my friends that I’ve had some good weight loss.

How’s your week going so far?