April and I were chatting on the phone tonight and she said we should do a weekend recap of shameful things we did this weekend that would not contribute to weight loss. She described her failed attempt at getting a Mountain Dew and I told her about splurging on a carton of Peppermint ice cream a couple weeks ago, that I ate slowly, small spoonful by small spoonful in the bathtub, like some secret agent that had been denied ice cream for several years, savoring each bite like it was made out of the finest ingredients. We then started laughing thinking about other outlandish things that give us hiccups or things we do when trying to lose weight that really make no sense- but are worth a laugh!
1) In the Weight Watchers meetings I used to attend, women were religious about taking off EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF JEWELRY before they weighed in… even their stud earrings. You know, cuz that ½ carat pair of cubic zirconia will definitely tip the scale.
2) From April: Writing down entries in your food journal different than what they actually were. For example: my friend once wrote down “carrots” instead of carrot cake. Her rationale was, technically carrot cake does consist of vegetables, so why list it as a carb when you can write it off as a free vegetable? (Alyssa’s note: HA! I sometimes catch myself cheating in MyFitnessPal. My food logs are private (to hide the fact that I eat peppermint ice-cream in the bathtub (hey, I stayed within my calories for the day!), but I wonder who I’m really fooling – ‘cuz cheating doesn’t mean it didn’t happen!)
3) From April: Being on extra good behavior for two days before your weigh-in date so you can drop the extra water weight and result in some extra pounds down. It also clearly helps to be weighed first thing in the morning, before you’ve had anything to eat and after you’ve pooped, of course. (Alyssa’s note: Great minds think alike… check out the next one!)
4) Before a weigh in, I like to make sure I’m as light as possible – as in, has everything been moving regularly? As in, are those double fiber English muffins doing their job? Yep. There’s a reason I sometimes drink coffee the morning of weigh-in. This is also a fairly ridiculous practice, as there’s no way a bowel movement can cause a sizeable shift on the scale, but you know… it’s all in the little things we tell ourselves!
5) Thinking that while cooking, “tastes” don’t count. I caught myself with my finger in the pie the other day, so to speak, when I realize I had sampled my homemade pesto about 10 times before serving it. There was NO NEED to sample it 10 times, I was sampling because I was hungry. It’s a shameful reality to log 150 calories worth of spoon-licks!
6) From April: When it comes to my Slurpee addiction, my hometown of Petaluma provides me with a plethora of 7-11s to meet my frosted Coca-Cola needs. Typically if one 7-11 Slurpee machine is broken, I go to the next shop two miles away. If that one is broken, I’ll drive another mile to another option. This past weekend, after my second attempt to feed my Slurpee need, I took it as a sign that I shouldn’t have a Slurpee. Sometimes, two broken machines in a row are the cruel reminder that you shouldn’t ingest that extra 60 grams of sugar that day. Sigh.
7) Believing that if it happens on a weekend, it “doesn’t count”. I’m working on my logic behind the “I deserve this” talk I give myself when I decide momentary satisfaction (re: the EXTRA LARGE JUMBO ‘SIZE OF YOUR HATCHBACK’ BAG OF POPCORN AT THE MOVIES) is worth more than my future health. Weekends are the danger zone for me because they’re filled with alcoholic libations, salty snacks and social eating of all sorts. I need to get my shiz in gear and realize a weak weekend can majorly weaken my week! (Try saying that 10 times in a row!)
8) From April: Telling yourself that calories don’t count on birthdays. This also can be prolonged to the entire birthday week and can be used as an excuse for family and friends to overindulge in birthday cake, ice cream, nachos, and candy from your unicorn piñata. (Alyssa’s note: April turns 30 this year. Unicorn piñata is so going to happen.)
9) From April: I make a lot of meals for the kids I babysit for and often times, they totally leave behind perfectly good untouched pieces of dinosaur chicken and sweet potatoes fries. I find a few ways to justify eating what the kids don’t. How am I supposed resist that breaded chicken shaped like its ancesterous dinosaur relative when it’s roaring at me from the stove top not to waste it? I can’t just throw away the leftover pieces of the heart shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwich I made for the kids with a cookie cutter! That leftover bread is the leftover remnants of ART and it would be wrong to throw away art! Ha!
10) And the ultimate sin of weight loss… The old “I’ll start tomorrow,” or “I’ll be good tomorrow.” My attempts to lose weight the past few years have had so many “tomorrows” that it’s a wonder Disney didn’t sue me for the rights to use the name Tomorrow Land™. I’m the mayor of excuses village, and it is SO EASY for me to say, “I’ll just start again tomorrow.” We’re not always guaranteed a tomorrow, so my motto for 2013 is, I’ll start now. Let’s do it now, friends. (That’s ok – no really, you can start tomorrow. NOT!)
So, now that we’ve been brutally honest, fess up! Which of these weight loss “whoops” can you admit to? Any that we missed? Chime in!