Naked Nancy

Tonight was a night like any other; came home from work, made dinner, lazed around, contemplated going to the gym, lazed around, contemplated going to the gym, lazed around, finally went to gym. I completed my work out and headed to the locker room to change, being conscientous of not flashing my bare ass at the woman changing next to me.

I’ve always been fairly modest – I’m certainly no prude, but I’m not the type of chick that wanders around bra-less in tight shirts. (I also don’t have the figure for that, but you know, semantics) So, whenever I’m in a situation where I need to change in front of someone, even a long time friend, I’m like “EEK! DON”T LOOK AT MY NEKKIDS!!!”

I have a recent not-so-fond memory of having my wedding gown altered in which the old German seamstress said “Removen za bra, please.”. I remember thinking, why do my tatas gotta be showin’ for you to properly tailor this dress?? So, even in front of wrinkly grandmas, I’m not especially keen on showing off my bazookas, never less my lady parts.

So can you imagine my surprise when I got out of the spa, and walked back into the locker room to be greeted by a woman standing full-on nude blow drying her hair next to my locker? There’s certain things that you would understandably do naked : You know, bathe, shower, have a massage, engage in adult activities, maybe streak down a street in a haze of intoxication while in college. But, there are some things you shouldn’t do naked: like, blow dry your hair in a public locker room. I get the fact that it’s warm, and toasty, and you like to show off your newly-toned gluteus maximus, and maybe do it at home; but for the love of god, while you’re fixing your hair, don’t give unsuspecting locker room goers a full-frontal view of your vajayjay. I mean… at least put on panties.

As soon as I saw naked lady, I averted my eyes and became interested in changing very, very quickly. But no – naked lady wanted to talk. So she did, half-shouting over the roar of the hair dryer – “How was your workout?” Now see – I don’t know naked lady. I’ve never seen her in my life. So the fact that suddenly she’s trying to have a conversation with me and she’s NAKED?! is kind of blowing my mind. I look up quickly, say “fine, thanks” and change out of my wet swimsuit as fast as I can (being careful not to drop my towel and show MY naked ass, thank u very much) and book it out of there.

Am I being a gym-time prude, or is naked hair drying a little out there? What would be your course of action if Naked Nancy tried to make friends with you while she was blow-drying her hair? As I was leaving,  I heard a phone ring. Naked Nancy turned off the hair dryer, and answered the phone. She paused, sitting down on the bench, inspecting her nails. I suspect it was a long conversation, and that many more people were treated to a late-night show from Naked Nancy – but I somehow think she had the wrong audience.