Challenging defeat

The past few days have been more challenging than I would like: I’ve been surrounded by wonderful, delicious, very fattening food that I’ve indulged in more often than I’d like to admit, and I reaaaallly struggled working out over the weekend and tonight. Tonight was my second Krav Maga class with my awesome co-workers and friends. (I always say co-workers and friends because they’re definitely more than co-workers to me – these people are just a few at work that keep my chin up on CRAZY busy days. Thanks, Merrie, Shelley and Susan <3 )

I’m the type of person that likes to be able to do something well from the start. It’s a bad character trait to want to be successful at everything, and when I struggle I become defeated and have a tendency to want to quit quickly. Tonight, part of our warm up was doing forty sit ups. Our partner had to sit on our feet and hold down our knees – thank god my partner was Merrie and not the intimidatingly tall and buff dude I got partnered with last time.

Chubby kitteh doesn't need situps!

Not only did I have the giggles in the most terrible way, but I could not complete a damn sit up if my life depended on it. It’s always frustrating when you can’t do something just because you’re not naturally inclined to it – but failing in a physical way is more frustrating, because I know it’s a direct link to the bad habits I’ve made the past few years. It’s hard enough being “the fat kid” in the class – and when you can’t do something because of your size or weight, you feel a lot more vulnerable, a lot more pink and raw on the outside – like a hairless little hamster.

(That’s one of the weirdest analogies I’ve made in awhile, but I like it, so I’m keeping it in there. You know what I mean? Vulnerable, raw, exposed? Kind of just out there…. needing a little guidance).  In general, I’ve made it a point in my adult life to never let my weight hinder my lifestyle, but it’s times like this when I just CANNOT do something that I get really frustrated and start playing the blame game (Don’t worry – I’m the only player in that game). What I need to remember is something that I preach often to people around me who are trying to learn to cook, or who are new writers, or dabbling in social media – it all comes with practice, and time, and the worst thing that can happen is you mess up and try again.

I need to remember that all of the things I’m really good at are things that I have nurtured for a very long time – but they are still things that I have failed at before, and will likely fail at again in the future. We never seem to reach a point in life where we become foolproof, so why is a defeat so challenging to the soul? I need to remember that true success often comes with commitment, and if getting fit and I were in a relationship, we’d still be on our first few dates.

How do you motivate yourself when you’re feeling defeated?

*PS –  I was in the middle of writing this defeatist, vulnerable blog post when my husband plopped down beside me on the bed with a freshly baked gingersnap in his hand, still steaming from the oven, delicious ginger aroma wafting through the air – and says “Cookie?” with the most genuine, “it’s good!” expression on his face. HAHA – how life imitates art. (Don’t worry – I declined) 😉

*PPS – UM, 5 comments on the last blog? My heart is bursting with joy! So awesome! Thanks for reading to each and every one of you!! xoxo