Bras.

Men, or anybody who’s uncomfortable with breast talk, you may want to just head over to Cracked.com or The Oatmeal, cuz’ this post isn’t for you. (I’m sure because I said that means you’ll keep reading. I warned you.) This post was inspired by my recent need for smaller bras (Yay weight loss! Boo bras!).

Photo borrowed from Brokelyn.com.

I’m firing my bra. Bra, you are the bane of my existence. You are an awkward, uncomfortable, expensive thing that has the fulltime job of holding up my lovely lady lumps. That wouldn’t be such a bad job if you were able to do it with competence, ease and comfort, but you need to be fired. I am terminating your services and finding someone else.  You need to be fired for being cone shaped when my boobs are round. For having a pokey, cold metal skewer that digs into the underside of my boobs like an awkward half-way hug. You need to be fired for having thick, lame straps that cut into my shoulders, and for having stupid marketing drivel on your tags like “age defying lift” and “back smoothing minimizer”.

I don’t want age defying lift. I’m 26 years old. I want a bra that’s pretty, comfortable, and not too expensive.  I want a bra that neither flattens nor pumps up my breasts – I want a bra that supports my breasts, holds them softly, whispers to them that they’re going to be all right. You, bra, are fired, because I don’t want to hang out with you after work. As soon as I get home, I fling you off into the dark corner of my bedroom, grateful to be rid of you until the next day. We are not friends. I wish we could be.

I want a bra that shows off the good things and hides the bad. I don’t want a bra with “concealing petals” or “smooth revolution”. I want a bra that does these very basic things: supports my tatas, hides unfortunate headlights and doesn’t show through sheer shirts. I want lovely, frilly bras that hold my breasts up like they’re being worshipped, that makes them feel beautiful and loved and necessary. Occasionally I want a bra that elevates me to bombshell status, that makes my boobs look large and proud and profound. But usually, I want a bra that makes me look like the logical, professional person I am – a bra that subtly hides these rockin’ orbs from the view of the ogling Neanderthals of the universe. (Any men who are still reading: Sorry! You’re not all Neanderthals, and I know it’s just your evolutionary nature. Boobs = food for your babies.)

I want a bra that comes with pretty sounding sizes, like “Pleasantly ripe cantaloupes” or “perfectly petite peaches”. I don’t want to be a 40C, or a 38B, or a 46DD. My boobs are not an equation. They’re not letters or numbers. I want my bra size to match the worth of these beautiful, feminine shapes that grace my figure, and I think all gals might like the same, be they magnificently busty or splendidly small. I want a bra that makes me feel proud of my shape, that comes in beautiful soft fabrics and silks with pretty matching panties. A bra that can be worn all day at work, but still be pretty and soft and sensual at the end of a long day.

Why not just not wear a bra, you say? Because when you have large, round breasts, they need support. They need a nice frame to create a pretty picture, to make clothes drape nicely instead of cling, to be held up high, to keep the googly eyes away.

I settled today, Bras. I settled on four of you from a large department store, each from well-known brands that were MOSTLY comfortable and pretty and decent. But they still weren’t perfect. They’re not my soulmate. We won’t hang out late at night. We’re still not friends, and I wish we could be. If I could find the right one, we’d be the perfect pair. Can you imagine? How wonderful it would be to have the perfect bra for my perfect pair.

I’ll find you one day, Bra. I will. Even if I have to make you myself.

 

Weekly Weigh In #…I forgot

Hello Bloggies! Happy Friday to you – It’s a super special Friday to me because I work one day next week and then I’m off to Chicago and Minnesota to visit family and see my cousin get married! Exciting! I’ve been lacking on the weekly weigh-in posts – sorry – but believe me, I have been checking in with the scale every Saturday.

Happily this week I’m down another .8 of a pound… making my grand total 5.8 pounds since starting the weight tracking on this blog.

 

I should probably be more angry that I haven’t lost more, but when I consider my hectic life the past few months, I’m grateful I’m DOWN and not up! 5.8 pounds is a nice chunk of chunky, and I can feel it in my jeans. To be completely honest too, the last time I tracked was… *hangs head in shame* weeks ago. So with all that said, continuing to lose is a small victory for me and I’ve accepted that this particular journey will be long, but that small tweaks ultimately lead to big change over time.

I’ll be challenged many, many times on my upcoming vacation – with Wisconsin’s deep fried cheese curds, Chicago’s Italian Beef, Deep Dish Pizza and wedding cake – but I know that a few slip-ups on a vacation hardly make a downward spiral, or even more important, I don’t need to LET it turn into a downward spiral.

Things will probably be quiet around here next week – I’ll try to check in at least once, but if I don’t, please know that I’m enjoying a few days off work and school and spending time with my awesome family. I hope you have a great week!

My Weight Loss Dilemma

Hello dear readers: now that there’s more than a few of you, I realize I need to make this into an actual weight loss blog and LOSE some weight! Sigh – I was hoping I could keep up the facade forever 😉 (I jest.) I’m hoping to get my new “Progress” link going in the next few days – so help me make a decision on which way to lose my flabby fluffy flubber! PLEASE leave a comment and let me know your thoughts. I crumble easily under peer pressure… which is why my doughnut-pushing co-workers are evil. For those of you who are new to the blog, I’ve got the exercise thing goin’ on, so any plan I follow will include lots of heart pumping cardio and strength-training 🙂

  • Weight Watchers. It’s reliable, it’s worked for me before, it’s very well recommended, it’s sensible and livable. I can have a glass of wine, I can eat sugar. Keeps me accountable with weekly weigh ins and motivational meetings. I’ve seen it work for many of my friends. Cons are: I sometimes feel I have too much freedom, it’s not cheap at $40+ a month, and there’s start up costs associated with getting e-tools, the little calculator, etc. Sometimes the meetings get a little preachy, and I’ve never been spurred to motivation by the cheesy stories and jokes. I also end up not tracking sometimes due to forgetting, being in meetings all day at work, etc. Can anybody comment on the online plan? How does it work?
  • Low Carb – Ala South Beach. It works for me better than any other plan, and completely eliminates my problems with boredom or emotional eating. It’s just strict enough to keep me away from the stuff that makes me uncontrollable, and I get to eat yummy fatty stuff like cream cheese and bacon (within reason). Weight loss is rapid and the rapid pace keeps you motivated. It’s fairly inexpensive, but it’s also a hard lifestyle to maintain when you’re at parties or out with friends. Also makes it fairly difficult to cook for the husband since I’m one of those “I cook for you because I love you” type of people. I can usually last a few weeks before I feel like stabbing somebody for a bite of an apple.
  • Old School – The tried and true of weight loss. Cut the crap, move more, eat less. This way WORKS, no questions asked, and I’ve lost 30 pounds before this way, but I also had a free nutritionist on hand (ah the joys of being a student and working only PT) and a crazy schedule (hence less time to eat and always being on the move). I feel like in many ways this is the hardest choice at all – because it means being GOOD. Journaling my food choices on my own, having to really be conscious of decisions I make. Inexpensive, certainly less limiting than low carb.

So there you have it. Tell me what you think – what’s worked for you, why it’s worked, your opinions, etc. I realize this is a personal choice, but I like to weigh out the factors on all sides before making a decision. I’m a highly analytical person and like to hear suggestions, because sometimes you get your head so far up your own butt that obvious facts get buried in vanity, stubbornness or sheer laziness. I’m also kind of ridiculously wishy-washy. Matt picked out his wedding band in 20 minutes. It took me over a month.

My brain is kind of telling me to go back to Weight Watchers, but my heart wants to believe I have that little bird of hope and inspiration in my soul that will burst into song and cling on to the deeply-hidden willpower within me. (Little bird of hope just vomited at that trite, over the top description)

So – it’s a swing vote. Influence me. Peer pressure me. Convince me. It’s time to practice your persuasive speaking skills (btw, I am VERY persuasive. Won an award for it in a college political science debate class!). Those of you lurking behind your computer screens, SAY SOMETHING! I know you’re there, I can see you in the daily visitor numbers. Say something! GO!

What’s in my Pantry? Round 1

Hey peeps. Sorry it took me a bit to get to this post, life is kaaa-razzzz-yyyy right now. Can’t wait till school’s over – As of may 17, I’ll be half way done with my Master’s Degree! Woo, woo! Anyhoodles – let’s take a peek into the Curran pantry, shall we?

Top Pantry - canned goods.

Pretty standard, right? Nothing too too bad, though some would argue cooking with coconut milk is like pumping lard straight into your veins….

The junky part of my pantry.

Ok – here we go. This is the bad part, haha – or as I call it, carb central.

  • Pretzel Slims. So crunchy… so salty… so addictive.
  • Way in the back, Pita Puffs. They’re like pita cracker pillow things. Not very impressive. (From TJs)
  • You can’t see it, but there’s a big box of 100-cal popcorn. Yum.
  • Crystal Light Pure Fitness. This stuff is kind of meh compared to the original Crystal Light, but it keeps me from swigging 10,000 cans of Diet Coke a day.
  • Pop Tarts. I wasn’t fooled by the “20% Fiber” claims.. I know they’re still crap at 190 calories a piece. Sugar bomb!
  • Apple Watermelon Dried Fruit Snacks. These are just ok. They’ve been in there awhile.
  • Another thing you can’t really see- Trader Joe’s individually packaged Kettle Corn. Delicious!
  • Golden Raisins (old people food, but necessary for banana bread)
  • 100 Calorie Pack generic cheez-its. Don’t buy ’em, they taste nothing like the real things.
  • Golden Grahams – Matt must’ve bought these because I had no idea we had them.
  • Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds. LOVE these. Filling, so salty…
  • Fancy Feast – It’s the latest diet fad! (For my kittehs)
  • 1 Giant Sack of Chocolate Whey Protein Powder. For after a good work out.

I feel that this part of the pantry definitely reveals more of my eating habits. My weakness is all about the carb – and the salt. If it’s crunchy and salty, I’m all over it. I also realize from writing this blog that there are a lot of things in my pantry that have been there an embarassingly long time because they didn’t suit my fancy (I can count three or four things on the list above. heh) Perhaps the lesson is I need to clean out my pantry more often?

So come on – some other bloggers should post a picture of their pantry. It’s fun! and revealing! and let’s you know what’s probably covered in mold or stale to the point of breaking a tooth! 🙂