Yesterday morning, I stepped on the scale, giddy at the thought of what the numbers would show. But they didn’t show what I wanted. They showed a gain, after a week and a half of diligent Paleo eating. Since I stopped eating Diet to Go I’ve gained a few pounds too – amazing what a shift in my nutrition does to my body. I was frustrated. How can three numbers have such an impact on my mood and attitude?
This weight loss journey sometimes feels like the biggest, longest challenge I’ve ever worked towards. I get so angry when the numbers don’t move favorably, because doesn’t the scale see the hour of boxing class, how I left class drenched in my own sweat? Doesn’t the scale see how I skipped my friend’s amazing looking tres leches cake to have a banana with almond butter? Doesn’t the scale see me dancing my butt off in zumba class, or climbing the treadmill like a mountain, pressing the incline button more and more, until I’m towering above the treadmills around me, climbing, climbing, climbing towards a healthier me? Doesn’t the scale see how every time in the past four years I’ve ordered my turkey burger with a side of salad, skipped the french fries, dressing on the side?
The scale doesn’t see these things.
So yesterday, when I talked to a professional athlete and body builder at an event, I was surprised when he told me to throw out my scale. I’ve heard this sentiment before from people in the know – the hydrostatic body composition owner, a triathalon expert, a kinesiologist. But it’s hard to disconnect my goals from my weight, that ominous number that reminds me how I’m at a higher risk for heart disease, diabetes, depression, you name it. The problem is, that number on the scale has a huge influence on the decisions I make afterwards – like saying, “Screw Paleo, I’m eating gluten-free pizza and popcorn for dinner.” Because when I’ve been working hard and seeing what I feel are no results, why even bother? Why keep going?
But I know I can’t give up. I know I need to keep going. And even if the scale doesn’t move, I’ll get there, one day, to the better, stronger, healthier, slimmer me.
Does your weight have an influence on your attitude towards eating, fitness and your mood in general?