Tag Archives: dancing

Embracing my awkwardness: shaking my booty in Zumba

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Fraggle Rock!!!!!

When I was a teenager, it took me awhile to realize that I wouldn’t ever be cool in a conventional way. I would never be the girl who had a sheath of straight, blonde hair that fell in a perfect waterfall down my back, nor would I collect phone numbers en masse. My first two years of high school I remember trying desperately to fit in, to have the same L.E.I. jeans as everyone else, even though mine were a juniors size 14. With my brace face, cowlick curls and curvy hips, I never quite fit the mold. I muddled along feeling awkward until something magical happened in my junior year. With the help of my best friend Katelyn, I learned to let my awkward out. I embraced the dorky music lover inside of me, and started to realize that I didn’t CARE if playing the flute was nerdy or if liking Lenore comic books wasn’t cool.

Rockin’ out with My Ruin at the merch table (I was SO SKINNY!!! Why on Earth did I think I was fat?!)

My parents let me go to heavy metal shows in the city, and I became a little band-aid to a bunch of girl rock metal bands. It was the best thing ever. I bought a BC Rich Warlock Guitar and I had pink streaks in my hair. I drew creepy little monsters in my text books, started to make my own lunches and dated a boy in a band. (I married him. Aww.) My life got much, much cooler but only because I learned to let myself be awkward. The day I embraced myself was the day I realized how liberating it was to just be yourself — to say, I don’t give a crap if you don’t like my cow-print socks or my fondness of Phantom of the Opera – because I do, and I am awesome. Embracing your awkwardness is incredible – and I’ve recently had a mini-renaissance of this feeling from Zumba.

You see, I’m not a dancer. I would never call myself graceful. I bruise easier than a ripe peach on a hot summer day, and I’m constantly tripping over my own shadow. I took my first Zumba class several years ago and was horrified by the shimmying, the shaking, the legs crossing over each other and the sheer amount of dance patterns you had to perform. I went once and never again – because I felt too awkward. Nobody wants to see a fat white girl gyrating to latin music, right? At FitBloggin’, I participated in a group Zumba class. The old familiar feeling crept in – the embarrassment, the awkwardness. The negative thoughts started coming. “I look fat. Everybody’s looking at me. I can’t dance. I’ll never get these steps right. I’m so offbeat… I should just give up.” But, by the grace of Buddha, I shushed those thoughts and kept going. And I had fun. Eventually the little voice waned into a quiet whisper, and I shook and shimmied and tried to dance — and it was fun, and I burned calories.

Awkward and Awesome!

I did Zumba tonight and some of the old familiar thoughts came back as I caught sight of my pasty white arms in the mirror. My tummy clung to my hot pink tank top and I thought “Ugh, I look gross.” But I kept going – and I reminded myself that I’m never thinking about what other people look like when I’m working out – I’m thinking about how tired I am or how I’m going to sneak a handful of chocolate chips out of the cupboard when I get home. And BAM – the negative voices stopped. I danced, I shimmied, and I shook — and I burned calories –  smiling and laughing while doing it. On the way out, the teacher even told me how she loved my smile. That’s right. You don’t smile at the gym if you’re not having fun! Tonight I realized I may never feel 100% confident in my skin, but as long as I can embrace my awkward rather than fight it, I remember that it’s not so bad being me. I can’t dance but it’s not about whether or not I can dance. It’s about working up a sweat, churning up some endorphins, and burning fat. It’s about saying, “I don’t need to be the Zumba Queen. It doesn’t matter if I do the Salsa! Eff the standards of perfection – I’m gonna shake my booty!” So thank you, Zumba — for reminding me how to embrace my awkwardness.

 

A whimsical wedding: 1920′s style!

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The gorgeous bride and dapper groom

Hi everybody! Hope you had a fantastic weekend! Last weekend after Matt and I time traveled to the 60′s, we headed back to Los Angeles to enter the roaring 20s! My longtime friend and twin Amy (at work we dressed up as each other for Halloween once because so many people confused us for each other) was marrying her sweetheart Casey at the beautiful Legendary Park Plaza hotel in downtown Los Angeles. I was looking forward to this wedding for a long time, because I knew lots of my MGA friends would be present, and I was so so happy for Amy to get to say “I Do” to her sweet Casey.

 

The ceremony location

The bride and groom said their handwritten vows under an ornate painted cathedral ceiling, flanked by towering wrought iron gates and a beautiful wooden chuppah draped with flowers and ivy. The bride’s brother officiated the ceremony and did a wonderful job. I really love the touch of people using people they know to officiate their weddings – our 7th grade English teacher officiated our wedding!

Dangerous curves ahead

Matt and I put on the ritz for this wedding, and I was so excited to wear my (size 16!) dress from Nordstrom’s rack. I felt that it was really flattering and comfortable, which is a rarity for curvier gals like me. Evening wear is one of the worst things to shop for, in my opinion, almost up there with bras. However, this dress is a keeper, and I only suffered minimally in my control-top briefs. (I’ll tell you, getting home from an event where you’re wearing some sort of girdle or spanx? The moment when you take them off ranks up there with like… scoring a huge raise, winning the lotto, or some other form of massive hedonistic pleasure. Let the flab fly free after being constricted all evening. Sooo nice.)

 

The gang's all here!

After the ceremony, we headed in to the ballroom, where we enjoyed appetizers, an open bar and a bandstand style band! We swing danced, ate, chatted, drank and enjoyed the vintage photo booth. Here’s a great shot of the whole group, ready to go protest the prohibition. Matt and I cut quite a rug, so I wasn’t feeling too bad about the lavendar macarons I snacked on from the dessert bar. I always forget what great exercise dancing is until I’m out there shakin’ and boogieing and sweating.

 

 

Eric Balfour and Jenny and I

One of the other cool things about this wedding was that there was a CELEBRITY there! I guess I’m still small town Illinois girl in that I get all giddy and excited when I see someone who’s on TV. Amy’s cousin is Eric Balfour, whom I instantly recognized as Gabe from Six Feet Under, one of my favorite shows ever! I very respectfully asked if Jenny and I could take a picture with him and he was super super nice and friendly. Cool!

CAAAAAAKE!

There were three types of cake – carrot, red velvet, and some sort of oreo cookie cream. Yum! I had the carrot cake but by the time we got to cake, I was so stuffed I only had a little bit. Isn’t their cake pretty? Amy’s bouquet and center pieces, and floral elements on the cake, featured succulents! I’ve always wanted to go to a wedding with some succulent touches. I had soo much fun with all my friends at this wedding, and by the time the evening was over, Matt and I had been to the 60′s and the 20′s, all in one weekend. I only wish we could have hit up the renaissance times while we were at it too (I’ve decided that clearly, the reason I’m overweight is I’m just in the wrong era. This body would have been GOLDEN in the middle ages, y’all.)

Congratulations, Amy and Casey – and thanks for letting us be a part of your special day!

 

Trying something new: Eating Clean

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My mom and I hiking in Malibu

This week, I’m trying something new. After a somewhat bad-eating weekend (a cupcake here and movie popcorn there), I decided I wanted to do a re-set. I wanted to eat clean.
So since Tuesday morning, I haven’t eaten a single processed thing. NOT ONE PROCESSED THING. Nary a processed “convenience” item has passed my lips. I realized I eat a lot of packaged crap on Weight Watchers – the frozen SmartOnes baked Ziti, little Weight Watchers chocolate cream cakes, peeps, crystal light, fiber one bars… My Yo-Yoing has made me realize it doesn’t matter if it keeps me on plan or within my points. It’s still crap, and it’s stuff I wouldn’t want my future children eating daily, so why am I? It’s easy to pop a SmartOne into the microwave on days when I’m heading to class or stuck in a lunch meeting, but I’m kind of over them. Sure, they’re tasty and low points, but they’re also filled with salt and preservatives. I’m not raggin’ on them, because it works, but I think I’m relying on them too much. Crap is crap is crap no matter how it’s packaged, marketed or prepared.

I’ve stayed in my points allotment but I’m doing it a little differently. Here’s how: tons of vegetables, fresh fruits, dried fruits, seeds, lean protein and water and tea. LOTS OF IT. Here’s what I ate yesterday (and stayed within my points allotment on):

1 Apricot Mango Greek Yogurt, Organic (8 points – I mistakenly bought the full fat version and wondered why it was so damn delicious and tasted like icecream. Then I calculated the points. Haha!)
1 Mug of Green Mint Tea (0 points)
1 Banana (0 points)

1/2 cup pumpkin seeds in shell (4 points)
2 cups vegetable beef soup, homemade (packed with spinach, zucchini, carrots, celery, onions, cabbage, peas and tomatoes) 5 points
4 prunes (2 points)
Water

1/2 Cup Cantaloupe (0 points)
1/2 Cup Pineapple (0 points)

Grilled chicken breast (boneless, skinless) 4 points
1 cup asparagus, sauteed (1 point)
1 small baked potato with butter (5 points)
Water

4 slices dried mango (3 points)
3 squares 85% dark chocolate (2 points)
Water

I’m actually somewhat under points on this, but I don’t feel hungry. I’m not even craving diet pepsi, which is weird because I usually have one at every lunch. This is probably TMI for you so close your eyes and skip to the next line if you’re squeamish, but I’m also like….regular. Haha! I have no idea what this little plan of mine will result in tomorrow on the scale, but I’m hoping it’s good. If it’s not, I’ll decide what to do then. I also have been walking at least a mile on breaks at work every day, and yesterday I did an hour of dance class. On Sunday, I hiked for two hours with Matt and my mom. I’m trying, and like Thomas the train, I’m chugging along saying to myself, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….”.

Have you ever tried to do a “detox” of sorts by eating clean? How did it go?