Starting Over: A Clean Slate

Today, I struggled with a feeling that often surfaces — I saw a friend who’s lost an amazing amount of weight, and I instantly thought, “Why haven’t I done that?” I’m THRILLED for my friend, but it reminded me once again that I absolutely cannot compare myself to other people – as everybody is walking a completely different path in completely different shoes. However, recognizing other people’s success is always a good reminder of, “How I can try harder?” Here are the things I need to do to try harder: be kinder to myself, stop beating myself up in my head about my weight, drink more water, stop avoiding the scale, and curb the overeating.

With that, I’ve made a decision to start over. Here’s what I’m going to do: I’m restarting My Fitness Pal, at my current weight. I’ve been yo-yoing the past couple months, and who knows what from – muscle building, eating junk food, water retention, hormones, stress…. who knows! I’d been avoiding updating the weigh-in graph on the app, and for what? Because the number would bother me? Who cares – life goes on. I will start over. I’m starting fresh, with a clean slate, and it doesn’t matter how much weight I lost six months ago, or what weight I’m at today – what counts is that as of today, a new page has been turned. I need to track EVERYTHING on MyFitnessPal. Your support has been huge – I totally love seeing all of you stopping by the blog, writing comments to me, “liking” my updates. It really means a lot, and helps motivate me to keep trying. It’s also been awesome having April join in on the blog, because it reminds me that I’m never, ever alone, and someone with the very same blood and DNA as me shares the exact same struggles!

In addition, I’m going to start adding weekly weigh-ins again. We all know the scale and I have a mostly hateful relationship. However, I recognize that I need it to keep me in check. My first weigh in update will be posted on Friday, and I’m going to try reaaaaally hard to keep it up, because I need some more transparency about that number. I can’t disregard the amazing progress I’ve made so far, in particular, I’m thrilled at my transformation from out-of-shape to somewhat-fit. I look forward to getting stronger, better and faster, and am loving the new support system I have with my workout buddies Susannah, Merrie and Sally.

When you’re trying to change bad habits, do you ever find yourself just wanting to start over? It doesn’t need to be cold turkey, but it needs to be a marked point for me, where I say, “Ok, I’m starting over. I’m going to forget the past and just live in the present and focus on making a better future.”

Now – help me with my first starting over challenge. Next Thursday, I’m going to Mexico for a five day vacation. How do I log my food when I won’t have internet access? Should I go old-school and use a pen and paper, or try and trust myself without logging? Should I enjoy my vacay and eat what I want, but in moderation?

11 thoughts on “Starting Over: A Clean Slate

  1. I hear you on the fresh start thing. I tend to “reboot” every few months.

    As for vacation, I’d strongly recommend NOT eating what you want … but maybe that’s because if I ate what I wanted on vacation, I’d be mowing down cheese fries and chocolate cake — and come back 10 pounds heavier than I left.

    Sometimes I wonder if I should give that whole “intuitive eating” thing a try … if things aren’t forbidden, they’d lose their appeal. But then I remind myself I’ve lost the most weight on more restrictive plans. (I dropped 110 pounds in 2 years on Atkins, then regained about 70 when I met the Boyfriend and fell off the low-carb wagon.)

  2. I’m sure there are people who have been reading your blog thinking, she has achieved success in school while overcoming illness and still managed to lose some weight! I’m sure it made them feel pretty down on themselves. You are an amazing woman who has accomplished amazing things and you never see to lose your will. Enjoy your workouts, your new plan and your vacation. You deserve it. 😉

  3. Great post. I was thinking about this type of thing recently too. I saw some old pictures of when I was at my heaviest. It was a good reminder that while I have regained some – I’m still a success. We can all only go onward and upward.

    As to your logging question – I say if its what is working for you – then keep it up (old school if you need to). Personally I hate logging but I can see the benefit and I think there’s something to be said for maintaining the consistency while you are newly back on track.

  4. My problem on vacations like that are usually the fun drinks that have way too many calories. I’m usually a fan of the whole “moderation” without writing down, but I usually forget about moderation on day 2. I’m not much help.

  5. Great post! I have definitely been where you are. I’ve actually just started a new diet and my step-father and I are doing it together. He’s lost more weight than me even though we are eating the same things everyday. It can be frustrating at times but you are absolutely right. Our bodies are different and we can’t compare. You are awesome in your own right for making the changes you have, and going to school while doing it! Keep up the great work. As far as keeping track of what you eat while you’re on vacation, I think you should take a little journal with you so you can log it in. I know for myself, if I don’t log everyday what I’m eating it’s easier to get sidetracked and maybe not care as much what I’m eating. This way you stay accountable with yourself for everything you put in your mouth. Good luck!

  6. Totally take a food journal. Then at least you can keep tabs on what you’re eating and see it all in one place. Plus you’ve been using MFP, so you can see everything written out and have some kind of idea how many calories you’ve eaten so you don’t totally overdo it. 🙂

  7. I could have written this same post myself! I have wiped the slate clean before and it totally helped. In fact I think I should do it again. I find that sense of rejuvenation really helps to fuel my motivation! AS for Mexixo, I’d go old school. I know that even when I overeat, tracking it makes me realize that I can do so much better. Good Luck Alyssa!

  8. I’ll join you in the reboot and re-using MFP, but I’m waiting till after vacation. I want a Mexican Coffee!

  9. Take a journal and track your food! Even if you go way over with drinks you’ll be glad you know and seeing it in front of you will probably help you make better(if not the best) decisions. And when you get home… You won’t be totally surprised.
    But enjoy!!!! Eat what you want, just not as much as you want 😉

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