Let’s get it out in the open, so we start our blog-relationship with no dirty secrets. Speaking of direty secrets, there’s no way in h-e-double hockey sticks I’m going to tell you my NUMBER. Nuuh!! Nothing’s worse than a skinny person who says they’re fat, so I will tell you that I have about 70 pounds to lose. 70 pounds is the ultimate “omg i’m incredible and awesome and stopped doing EVERYTHING in life but focused on losing weight” goal,the one that the BMI chart says I’d be “healthy” at, (a skinny person totally made up that chart). My realistic goal is 50 pounds, cuz hey, I don’t mind a little extra ba-dunk-a-dunk and my body can carry a little more lovin’ for the oven.
So how did I gain all this weight? Oh, gee, I have no idea. It’s not like I eat too much, sit on my ass and avoid exercise like it will kill me….(Hi! Welcome! My name is Alyssa and I’m a sarcasm-aholic!) I’m perfectly comfortable with admitting that while yes, my family has a genetic tendency to be fat (we’ll get to that later), a lot of this excess was caused by MY OWN excess. I’m not going to chew on a salted caramel and pretend I got fat by eating celery sticks and running on the treadmill every night. I got fat because I reward myself with food, I console myself with food, I enjoy myself with food, and I abuse food. Add a healthy dose of Taurean laziness, a big tablespoon of sedentary desk job, a massive mound of carbohydrate addiction, a healthy, happy relationship and BOOM! Seventy pounds gained!
So how am I trying to lose this weight, you ask? Well, I’m a current member of Weight Watchers. We’ll cover Weight Watchers later, because yes, it works (I’ve had success on it before), but it only works if you do it. And I am doing it right now? Well… I paid the dues, but am I tracking? No. *Bad dieter. No cookie for me.* I fully intend to start tracking TOMORROW (I’ll come back and report), and this week’s homework assignment is to find a gym. Know why this will all totally happen? Because I have you, my dear reader. And why does that matter? Because you’re the one thing that a lot of fat people hate… and that’s accountability!!
Till next time,
The Dutchess of Double Chins