Greetings, friends! I can be a mean girl. Who, me? Yes, me! Read to find out why.
Y’all know I can be a little bit blunt. Sometimes, I lack a filter. It’s one of those traits of mine that’s either endearing or obnoxious, but as Lady Gaga says, I was born this way! Yesterday, my delightful friend Kelly came over for dinner. We were discussing Victoria’s Secret, and I complained that their bras don’t fit “fat-asses like me.”. “That is SO mean!”, she said. “What? That they don’t make my size?”, I asked, chewing my meatloaf nonchalantly. “No, that you would call yourself a fat ass! Even if you think it’s funny, how would you feel if I called you a fat ass?” I told her I’d kick her butt, and then I realized she’s right. It gave me some food for thought for a minute, until today when I blurted out that among the land of petite people (Asia), I would probably be a “large commodity”. My husband again pointed out that I was being mean to myself, and I thought, “Shucks! I AM being mean to myself.” Mean is not a trait I’d say I embody. I’m always the person who makes an effort to talk to the shy, to hold the door open, to compliment a new outfit. Sometimes I’m so nice it makes me angry with myself. But… Kelly pointed out that I’m a mean girl. To myself.
I am confident and pretty and usually feel attractive. So why am I calling myself mean names?
I usually consider myself extraordinarily positive with my self esteem. I know I’m attractive, beautiful even, and usually when I look in the mirror I feel good about myself – about my natural blonde curls, or my milky skin, or even the fine fringe of eyelashes that line my baby blues. Sadly, the negative thoughts I do have are always about my body. I’m always too big, or too fat, or thinking I’ll stand out because of my size. I’m a little bit early for New Year’s resolutions, but here’s one of the first for 2013 – Curb the negative self talk. It doesn’t help anybody and it certainly doesn’t make anyone laugh like I had hoped it would (ok, maybe my brother and sister laugh, but that’s only because we’ve made a national pastime about joking about our weight). Kelly and Matt are totally right – even if I make fun of myself in “humor”, somewhere, that message resonates with my brain and makes me feel even worse about it.
Rubens painted all of his ladies as full-figured and curvaceous. I was born in the wrong era!
So, the next time I complain about my rubenesque stature, I need to use words that are kinder. Not fat, not fat ass, not fatty, not huge, not gargantuan. More like, voluptuous, curvy, plus-sized, rubenesque, full-figured. Because even though my body may not fit into the ideal of what looks “pretty”, my body is pretty. I know this in my heart, and I need to make my thoughts match my mouth in the most positive way possible.
So let’s discuss – I’m sure I’m not the only female out there who has shamefully caught herself in negative self-talk. Do you ever find yourself dissing your body? Men, how about you?
Awesome, I constantly bash myself too. In fact, my blog I have for tomorrow is among a similar topic. 🙂
We should both try to stop bashing ourselves cuz we are awesome. I guess no more joking about the buffet on the ship… LOL
I usually find myself doubting my intelligence–Kyle pointed this out to me when we first started dating. I would “jokingly” comment about how dumb or stupid something was I did or said. He would say “Hey don’t say that about yourself. You’re not stupid.” I still slip up but I try not to put myself down so much. I also have my days where I look in the mirror and say “oh gosh my thighs are so…” or “my stomach is too…”
So true! (that negative self-bashing is not okay AND that you are gorgeous…cuz you are.) One of the best things I’ve ever read (and that your friend Kelly said to you) is to treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend (or even stranger.) Would you say those things to someone you care about?
Because you, my dear, are someone awesome, and if I ever heard anyone say something like that to you, I’d personally kick their butt on your behalf (or we could take turns.) So be kind!
Love you!
I think both sexes are good at making their appearance or insecurities the butt of their own joke, but women seem to be far superior at it in my experience! I’m going to remember to be more kind to myself this year. Thank you for posting this!
I also get into a pattern of self-bashing…I would never say the cruel things I say to myself to other people! Your post is a good reminder to us gals who tend to fall victim to this practice…even “thin” women are prone to negative talk. I think it also has to do with the scripts we’re taught from a young age: to deflect compliments, to hedge praise, to down play accomplishments. Next time you catch yourself heading down this path, stop and switch the script ‘cuz guess what ladies…we’re !@# smart, beautiful and yeah, we kinda kick ass!
UGH, so true.
Sometimes when I find myself hating things, I tell myself what I WOULDN’T change. Looking at my face I might wish I had less acne, or a more defined jaw… but then I tell myself all the things I WOULDN’T change about my face… aka, everything else, pretty much! Sometimes it helps me switch focus and even helps me be less “upset” about something I can’t change, like my acne. And you are gorg and also stop having other friends named Kelly.
i purposely skipped this entry when i saw the title. means girls have haunted in me for years and i could not find the energy to see how you were one of them. it hurt reading this today. i love you so much and i find you to be so amazing and perfect in all of your aspects. you are smart, creative, kind, and beautiful! you are a goddess in my eyes.