Hair in your food: The Ultimate Appetite Killer

As someone who could be described as a “robust eater”, or someone with a big appetite, I find that there’s only a few things that can kill my appetite. Obviously, the stomach flu or food poisoning will make me not want to chow, but even then, I usually have that wistful sense of “Oh, I wish I could eat!” Sometimes if I’m really stressed my appetite dips down a bit, but it’s fair to say I’m usually game to throw down on a delicious feast. On Saturday night I had a lady date with my friend Suzie. We decided to grab a quick bite to eat before we saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. The theater was right next to a Chili’s, so we headed in to the packed restaurant, where we waited a solid 20 minutes for our table. Once we got our table, we each had a couple bites of Southwestern Mac & Cheese, which wasn’t bad, but nothing to blog about. I ended up ordering boneless buffalo wings, because I wanted to stay relatively low carb, and had a hankering for something spicy. Suzie ordered the Quesadilla Explosion Salad.

I was trying to be optimistic about my meal, but for some reason, the screaming child the next booth over and the super loud football game had me hoping we’d at least just get a decent meal. It was a Chili’s, so I wasn’t expecting amazing, just something to tide us over. Unfortunately, my wings came out luke warm, and after a first bite, I could tell they’d been sitting under a heat lamp for awhile. My iced tea was also “old” tasting — a difficult feat for a beverage that’s literally a gallon of water and a few tea bags. I tried to brush it off, but the piece de resistance was seeing poor Suzie’s face, mid-bite, as she pulled a long, stringy hair out of her mouth. I almost gagged just from typing that. Having worked in food services before, I know that stuff happens, and it happens all. the. time. But holy cow. Is there anything worse than finding a hair in your food? I’m of the disgusting mindset that maybe even a bug is better, because at least a bug is like… I don’t know, natural?! I guess hair is natural too, though…The grossest thing I ever found in my food was a caterpillar, nestled among my pico de gallo like a little squirmy piece of green pepper. Ick. Forgive me while I retch.

Little dudes are way cuter when they’re not in your salsa.

To the staff’s credit, they immediately brought out a replacement, but at that point, the damage was done and neither of us could stomach the thought of anything else being in or around our mouths. And no, it wasn’t Suzie’s hair – as the texture, length and color was completely different than her own. (And mine). They took it off the bill, but we left feeling grossed out, discouraged and very UN-hungry. So it had me thinking — maybe I need to invent the hair diet. Wherein you eat way, way less because you think about hair in everything you eat. Barf.

I know I’m not the only one out there that thinks finding a hair is a HAIR-RAISING experience. Has it happened to you? If not, you are very, very lucky.

PPS: Be glad I didn’t include an image in this post. Even just googling “Hair in food” has made me pretty much decide I won’t be hungry ever again.

2 thoughts on “Hair in your food: The Ultimate Appetite Killer

  1. Only you, Alyssa, could have me gagging AND laughing at the exact same time with your wonderfully descriptive and hilarious words. Either way the face mask I was attempting to wear is all crackled… oops!

  2. I love that the automatic solution to disgusting food is always just to offer you more disgusting food. I know they are a restaurant, so that’s kind of all they can do, but once you’ve fed me hair, an insect, or anything else vomit inducing, lets just drop the pretenses and move on to the apologies and refunds.

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