Deep Roots

I had a random occurrence happen in Spanish class on Wednesday night.  I normally sit in the back row of every class and in this particular one, I sit in the far back corner.  I like this desk for three particular reasons.  It’s next to the window which allows me to gaze out in lust for the outside world but it also has a space bubble of multiple empty desks around me, except for one classmate who seems to also like being away from everyone.  My bubble invader classmate was absent tonight so it lead me to join up with people in middle region of the classroom, something I had yet to do.  When I switched seats a fellow classmate commented on why I’m always off in the far back corner and without even thinking, I rolled off my third reason of why I like the back corner desk.

“I don’t like taking up someone’s view.”

He gave me a very funny look and asked to explain what I meant, since in a row-formation of desks, typically someone always is in front of you.  At that moment a very deep rooted memory came flooding back into my mind from my childhood.   I was in third or fourth grade and a girl behind me was called on by my teacher.  I forget what made her say this exactly, but she blurted out, “I can’t see because April is so big.”  At that age I was already the tallest kid in the class and hadn’t quite hit my chunky puberty stage so surely she didn’t mean that I was fat, but it didn’t matter.  She hit something in my brain that still completely affects my public behavior at age 30.

Ever since that moment I have always preferred to sit in the back.  I loved the freedom of junior high and high school classrooms where the teacher let you choose your own desk.  The back corner became my own personal safety zone.  In the back corner, no would be looking at the back of my head.  In the back corner, I wouldn’t be blocking anyone’s view.   This is also why I prefer the back row at the movie theater.  I like to be able to not worry that someone isn’t seeing ALL of the screen because of me being too tall.  Or too BIG.

I explained the story of what happened in elementary school to my classmate and, after a few chuckles, he said, “That sucks that things like that can have such an impact.  Childhood is crazy.”

A few hours later I hung out with my brother, Tommy, and mentioned how I had to head home to write this blog.  He asked what I was going to write about and, for once, I had no idea.  I mentioned what had happened in Spanish class and how maybe I should write about that.  Tommy agreed and then I asked him if he had occurrences that happened to him as a child that impacted the way he lived for the rest of his life.

He responded, “I don’t sit on wet toilets.”

Immediately I started to laugh because the reason why Tommy won’t sit on a wet toilet is because he slipped off the toilet seat when he was 5.  Unfortunately on his way down he hit hit mouth up against the  toilet paper holder and somehow cut his tooth through his lip and chin, traumatizing my baby brother for life.  I totally remember that happening.  He was SO bloody.

Both my brother and my own story of our personal childhood drama resulted in silly impacts on our lives.  I’m sure I could sit in a desk in front of someone and people wouldn’t call me big.  I’m sure Tommy could sit on a wet toilet seat without smashing his face again.

But we don’t. And chances are, we’ll always have these fears deep rooted inside of us somewhere.

There are plenty of little things that hinder people from certain actions in their lives.  Some people might not wear stripes because they fear they look too wide.  Some people might refuse to wear a white shirt because they fear how their freckles show through underneath.  The point is that we’ve all got some little fear inside of us too.

Can you think of anything silly that happened to you when you were young that impacted the rest of your life?  I am definitely interested in hearing!

Have a fabulous Thursday!



12 thoughts on “Deep Roots

  1. LOL! 🙂 When I was about three or four, my stepfather had the bright idea to take me to a haunted house. I very clearly remember a guy in a hockey mask holding a chainsaw and chasing me with it. He only chased me about five feet, but to my little legs, it felt like miles. To this day (I’m 30), I cannot STAND to be chased. Even if it is something like my sister chasing me across the living room, it induces panic. One time, she kept doing it despite my pleas. I ended up in tears. Logically, I KNOW the guy was fake and I KNOW my sister isn’t going to hurt me, but it still freaks me out to this day, lol.

    • Wow, Amy! I could totally see how that could have a lasting effect on you! I had a memory as a child in a haunted house as well, someone grabbed my ankle as I walked past this “wall of hands.” I reacted by stomping down HARD.


      Thanks for sharing!

  2. Woo! childhood traumas!

    I’ll begin with this: I’m a performer. I’ve been involved with theater and choir (a capella to gospel) since I was in 3rd grade. That being said, I will NOT sing karaoke. EVER. After a couple bad times as a young teen where I could not hit the notes the key the karaoke version was in (either too high or too low) I gave up from sheer embarrassment. Ask me to stand and sing in a room full of people–fine! Karaoke? HELL NO.

    • Karaoke versions totally suck! There has been so many songs that I’ll give up on half way when I do a karaoke room rental with my friends… The tones and pitches are totally different!

      I feel ya.

      Thank you for sharing!

  3. I remember seeing the movie Stir of Echoes or maybe it was that Sixth Sense movie where a corpse hides under a bed and grabs someone’s foot. I’m still weird about that and shudder getting into bed, hopping quickly like a bunny, in case someone grabs my foot. Ridiculous!

  4. I used to be super self conscious about my teeth because kids always pointed out my gap in mean ways. I used to cover my smile all the time but then I got braces and now I smile proudly! Oh another-once in middle school I wore my hair down and just some product to bring out the curliness and a boy said I had ‘Jesus hair’ so I never tried that again.

  5. I like to sit with my back to the wall, except I don’t have a traumatic childhood reason… I uh, yeah…

    And for Tommy, does anyone sit on wet toilets?

    • Matthew-
      Your deep-rooted preference to always sit with you back to the wall was likely ingrained by my 30+ years (and still) of always requiring that I position myself where I can see the door, and most everybody in the room….a professional habit. Ask mom, even she is now trained to give me the seat offering the best vantage, without my asking!….
      April –
      I appreciate your quandry – being 6’4″, I am always conscious of who’s view I’m obstructing, especially at public events like movies and ball games. But it does provide an unarguable excuse to slouch…

      • It definitely sounds like Matt is following in his father’s footsteps! I never knew that about Matt until we went out to eat a few months ago, I took the spot up against the wall and Alyssa immediately made a joke how I took Matt’s spot. I gave it up and heard Matt’s reasoning.

        And to Mike, I could only imagine the trouble of being 6’4″ ! I always wonder how you can bear (bare?) airplane seats!?!?!

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