Dating with a double chin

Alright, alright, I might not have THAT big of a double chin but I wanted to address a topic Alyssa suggested I write about:  Plus-sized dating.

Honestly, I’ve never had an issue finding guys to date and I’ve been a “plus sized” girl the whole time.  I disobeyed my father’s “No dating until you’re 30” rule and started my starry eyed obsessions with the opposite sex at the age of 14.  Now that I am actually 30, if I had a flower for every guy I’ve gone out with,  I’d have a gorgeous field that I could rent out to allergy companies so they could film people running blissfully through them, allergy free.

But seriously, even though my garden of eligible bachelors always seems to be  in full bloom, I do have a lot of fear about my size when it comes to finding a match.  My anxiety over my body is drastically less than it was when I was in my early dating days.   At that age, I experienced many moments that built up my insecurities with guys who said things about my “bingo wings” or called me “Princess Fat Arms.”  I was told many times that I had “such a pretty face” but everything below it was simply ignored. And how could I ever forget the guy who didn’t want to stick around to hang out with my best friend and her boyfriend because I was “too fat?”  “If you just lost 30 pounds, you’d be so hot,” my friend’s boyfriend told me.

It is experiences like those that made my faith in myself being attractive to the opposite sex hard to find.  I thought I was pretty and I knew I was awesome, however, I just didn’t feel desirable.  It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I finally met a guy who made me feel like I was.  He was the first guy I ever actually believed when he would call me words like “hot” and “sexy” and if it wasn’t for him, I probably would’ve taken a lot longer to start building the self-esteem I have now.

Part of my insecurities with dating at my size came from the preconceptions of what someone is like on the internet.  I’m no stranger to dating online and have been on and off of Okcupid.com for a large part of my single adult life. I would meet guys who would seem SO into me online and then once we would meet, I’d never hear from them again.  My first belief always lead me to feeling like he wasn’t into me because I was too fat.  I may have been right and I may not have been, either way it took me a while to realize that guys like that are not the type of guys I wanted to be dating anyway.  Because of that, I’ve carried with me the logic that men would be more likely to date me if I was thinner, which sucks.  It was also confirmed when I first lost weight and drastically was hit on more often.

Now that I’m older, it’s been a really long time since I felt like any of my online dating experiences didn’t go well because of my size.  Okcupid made it easier to weed out the people who don’t like plus-sized girls by asking questions about body type preferences  such as, my favorite, “Do overweight people annoy you?”  The website allows you browse through hundreds of questions the person you’re scoping out has answered and seeing the answers regarding body size is always one of the first things I look for.

Now I’m happy to report that when I do meet guys from Okcupid, they’re all pretty fantastic.  If we don’t work out, it’s not because I think I’m too fat, it’s because myself and the men I date are finally mature enough to realize and accept when two people just won’t work.  I still believe it’s easier for me just to meet men “in real life” because the important aspect of physical attraction is already there at the beginning.

Whether I’m finding guys to date online or in person, the biggest trouble I have is not dating with a double chin, it’s making sure I actually pick the right guy from the vast field of choices.

If you’re on the bigger end of body types, what have been your experiences with dating?  Do you find it to be more challenging?  Has a certain body type always been something that you looked for in a mate?

Enjoy your Wednesday,

AprilSignatur

 

 

 

 


6 thoughts on “Dating with a double chin

  1. I wish that people could just be attracted to you or not and that it had nothing to do with body type. Unfortunately that’s not how it works. I’ve also done some online dating and it didn’t work out well for me. I usually found men that loved big women and didn’t want me to change, which I hated, or men that only wanted to talk to me because they wanted sex and thought I’d be easy because I was large, which wasn’t the case. I’ve found that online dating is not for me. I too have a lot of the same hangups you do.

  2. As one of those guys who had the privileged to go on some dates with April back in the day when I lived in SF – I can tell you that not only is she hot / sexy – but there are a lot of us guys out there that really like plus size women. I wouldnt want a skinny minnie personally, I have a few extra pounds myself and dont want to feel bad when downing a nice burger and shake or something with the girl im with. Own it!

  3. I’ve been using a site called Plenty of Fish—and it’s been ok. I think I have the issue with my weight more so than anyone I’ve dated. I’m working on that. I’m never going to be a size 4–hell, even a size 8 and I have just got to get passed it and enjoy life. I’m getting better at loving myself—but it’s a process.. LOL!!
    I did sign up for OKCUPID.. Wishing us both luck–and good men!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *