I realize I haven’t checked in about my weight in a few weeks, so here we go. Most of you have gathered by now that I can be very nonchalant about my weight problem. Life gets busy, I get stressed, and I decide I don’t care if I’m 50 pounds overweight, and I carry on doing homework, solving crises at work, being a wife, being a friend, reading, writing… You name it. It’s not the best attitude to have, but it’s mine, so I own it.
The past month or so has been (as usual) appallingly busy, so I kind of just FORGOT about losing weight. I just decided I’d let it be for awhile and deal with it later. Again, I’m aware it’s not the best way to go about things, but it is what it is. I didn’t get on the scale. For weeks. And it felt good. So last week, the scale at the gym seemed to be looking at me longingly, and I decided my unplanned avoidance would come to end. I braced myself for the unpleasant ballooning of numbers, the usual plus 3 or 4 I’m used to. Surprinsingly, the scale stopped 1 pound short of my last remembered number. 1 pound less than it was when I was last at Weight Watchers. Um – how did that happen?
I’d been eating what I wanted. Cadbury eggs, peeps, french fries… you name it. I’d been exercising, but not exorbitantly. But more importantly, I ate only when I was hungry. I’m so damn busy all day and night that I can no longer gorge on bowls of popcorn or eat pretzels at work because I’m bored. It hit me that day that that was it – I ate what I wanted, but only when I was hungry. This is the most simple thing in the world, and it’s baffling to me that I can calculate online advertising analytics, balance a general ledger, play a sonata, and earn a master’s degree, but I can’t master the art of weight loss. Is it REALLY that simple?
Margaret Cho learned that it was. Here’s an excerpt from her blog called the “Fuck It Diet”. (Sorry for the profanity – but it’s funny and worth reading.) I’ve experienced the same thing. Oh yeah – and the scale two days ago was down another 3 pounds.
I guess this”Fuck it Diet” really works.
Fuck It Diet
By Margaret Cho
I have lost some weight which has set off a strange wave of paranoia among people that I have either had my stomach stapled or shut off with a rubber band, or am on some freaky raw food diet or whatever.
What happened was that I was fucking sick and tired of dieting and working out. I fucking was sick and tired of buying clothes that were too small for me so I could ‘thin into them.’ I was fucking sick and tired of eating 5 to 7 small meals a day. I was sick and tired of no carbs. I was fucking sick and tired of thinking about food and not thinking about food. I was fucking sick and tired of my trainer and any type of exercise. I went to a nutritionist and I lost a lot – of money. I never left his office without dropping at least a grand on bullshit. Shakes, pills, supplements, food substitutes, exercise programs. I said “FUCKING FUCK THIS FUCK IT FUCK IT SERIOUSLY FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK FUCK FUCK IT!!!!”
I stopped going to Fred Segal and getting the one thing in the whole store that fit me. I started buying clothes that fucking fit me, like now. I put away all notions of what diets meant to me, what I was supposed to eat and not supposed to eat. I altogether lost the thought process that carried me through my life – my dieting and exercise regimen – and started thinking about the people I loved, hated, tolerated, laughed at, laughed with. There was a lot of time to read. I wanted to watch old movies. I ate a lot of shitty food. I gained some weight and it was scary. But it didn’t really make a difference. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. I stopped exercising, and started writing. I played with my dogs. I looked at shit on Ebay. I started to eat what I wanted – and kept doing it. Not a food vacation – not a respite between diets. I just was going to eat eat eat eat eat eat and fucking eat some more.
Then, I kind of started to get weirdly thinner. I get it now. Because I don’t care about food, it is there when I want it, I don’t crave it and want it and think about it. Since I can have everything, nothing is that important. I don’t need to eat a whole cake because I can eat a whole cake every day every meal if I want and I don’t care. I don’t prepare to eat because I might be hungry later and ‘they’ won’t have what I have to eat. When I am hungry, I eat. You know, that is what the weird diet is.”